Today, while I was putting up Christmas lights and listening to the sounds of the season, a familiar old man fell through my chimney. He was fat and jolly and had a red coat on. If I have to tell you who he is, you're probably a Jew. When I was much younger, I was told a lie- that Santa Claus didn't exist. This was the worst thing anyone had ever said to me. I knew it couldn't be true, or the cookies would still be on the table in the morning. Any doubts I had about Santa were immediately erased when he appeared in my fireplace, which again invites a Jewish reference. I will refrain. Santa told me he was having a bad day, so we smoked a joint and talked about it. Apparently, he had shown up a few days earlier to an African American family's home and they turned him away because they only celebrate Kwanzaa. Santa must've seen my lights from his sleigh and heard my loud music, but he had arrived for a different reason- a Christmas reason. He told me that many of his "Dear Santa" letters asked for me to blog again for Christmas, and that in order to answer these prayers, most coming from upper class white people, I would have to write about Christmas. So, in the spirit of both Christmas and Santa Claus, I'll put something in your stocking. Let's talk about stupid minority holidays that overshadow Christmas, and the politically correct defenders of such horrible days.
First of all, Christmas should be the whole month of December. The last day of November can be called Christmas Eve and every day after is Christmas. If black people can have a whole month to celebrate their history, then why can't Santa? It's not fair. Black people have hated Santa and Christmas since the Civil War, when Santa had to free all of his black elves. This cost Santa a lot of money, especially when he had to hire new elves and pay them wages. Lucky for him, the Mexican elves would work for next to nothing, and that's where the downward spiral of Christmas began. Then the blacks became African Americans and made up a day called Kwanzaa to ruin Christmas, and now that there's a Kwanzaa celebrator in the White House, Christmas may be lost forever. I'm not saying the only way to keep Christmas alive is to paint "COLORED" on certain bathroom doors and divide the schools. I know this will lead to protest, mainly by the Kardashian sisters, who wouldn't have been allowed to marry their husbands 60 years ago, let alone be on television. Those girls are lucky they were born in this time, especially since murder has become more difficult to pull off. A hundred years ago, they would've been called nigger lovers and lynched on a Saturday night. Lucky for us, society has improved a little bit, but we can't let them push us all the way. If we're gonna allow them to be free in our country, then they better back off of our holidays, or move it to a different month, how about February?
If Christmas was every day of December, we would get so many presents and have a lot of school off. Not to mention, the time we did have off school would be called a Christmas break, instead of one of those bull shit holiday breaks. There's only one holiday to celebrate- and that's Christmas, the best two days of the year, three if you count "Boxing Day" which is really just for spending gift cards. That's a day I'll keep on the calendar. Nobody has ever really cared about Boxing Day and nobody ever will. The ones who celebrate it don't care if you don't wish them a good one. They know you celebrate Christmas. That should be something you can assume in people, even the ones with the blankets over their hair. Christmas is an American tradition, who cares if some people don't celebrate it? I can't go over to Germany and protest Oktoberfest because I'm an American and I'm offended by it. They don't fucking care, why should we? This is America, and in America we celebrate the New Year, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Mardi Gras, Cinco de Mayo, Arbor Day, Grandparent's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, I know I'm out of order at this point, Columbus Day, Veteran's Day, also known as Homeless Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas, Boxing Day, New Year's Eve and the mother fucking Fourth of July. So take those silly towels off of your head and put some ornaments on your Christmas tree.
If Christmas is only two days, how come Hanukkah is eight days long? Is it our way of making up the time the Jews had taken from them in the Holocaust? Like, sorry about those years of imprisonment, we'll give you eight special days every year for the rest of time to make up for it. Look at the bright side, they have no family members to buy presents for. Sure, you've got no one to spin the dreidel with, but you've got a lot more money in your pocket, and since you're a Jew, I'm gonna guess you're happy about that. Anyway, Hanukkah or Chanukah, however you want to say it, is really just an excuse for half Jews with one Christian parent to have ten days of holiday cheer. Besides that, it's another way of ostracizing Jews from the community. It's a nicer way of building bricks around their neighborhoods, and that's fine with me, but have it in August or September, and don't tell anybody about it. The last thing you want people to find out is that you're Jewish, you never know when you'll show up on a sign with a $500 reward. To an innocent American, that's five hundred dollars worth of more Christmas presents, and there's no Jew in the world worthy of giving that up.
There's also a day called Yule which was started as a ritual for pagans, so maybe there's space in December for that, too. There's also that awkward Pearl Harbor anniversary, but most of the people who died that day were white, so I don't think they'll mind sharing the day with Christmas. World AIDS Day is on the calendar too, but since they identify with the color red, we'll let them stay. You can also find Human Rights Day, but instead of moving that to a different month, let's just get rid of it altogether. Now that I've delivered this message, Santa has come off of his high, and he's ready to fly back to the North Pole. When he gets there, he'll be greeted by a herd of Mexican elves and reindeer. They'll get back to making their toys with only a few days to spare, and on the night before Christmas, Santa will come down your chimney and eat the cookies you have left for him, which he enjoys much more when they're tampered with, or following a generous blunt. And the next morning, a bunch of white people and assimilating minorities will wake up and open their presents from Santa Claus, one of which is this blog entry. Maybe this year people will realize the true meaning of Christmas and the month of December. It's not a time to light candles and be black, it's a time to get presents and play in the snow. If snow were any other color, we'd all hate it. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Pruitt vs. The Board of Education
I would consider the court case of Brown vs. the Board of Education to be substantial and important to our country. That was in 1954, and like I babbled about in my civil war discussion, race relations have significantly improved. Since allowing the colored kids to drink from the water fountains, we have indulged in rap music, interracial sexual relationships, a fuck ton of drugs, and with all that, a bit of racism. Still, even after all that, racism. What a shame. I'm serious when I call it shameful for it's sad that we still don't get it, and I am included in that myself. Joking about other races is all fun and games, unless a minority is listening. I swear, if Laffy Taffy's could only be sold to whites, they'd have the funniest asian jokes on the back of them. But, luckily, everyone can buy a Laffy Taffy, even the poor kids! It's literally the universal candy. I bet if you walked up to anyone, fat skinny poor rich asian black white horses, they've all had a Laffy Taffy, and they all fucking enjoyed it. Now that I think about it, toothless people probably don't eat them, but it's safe to assume that everyone has teeth at some point, like that vagina with teeth in that cheap horror film. And although Laffy Taffys wrappers are everywhere, jokes intact, there is still racism in our world.
Racism doesn't just happen to black people. Ask the Jews! I'm not sure if any Jewish people sued the SS of Germany following World War 2, but I think they would have legitimate grounds to do so. Sixty some years later, one student of color suing a school district over alleged racism, that's crazy. Isaiah Shoels, a victim of the Columbine High School massacre, was a black student who was constantly belittled by the eventual shooters. He went to school officials to complain, yet they failed to do much about it. He was shot in the library and killed. After that, I bet the officials felt pretty horrible for not paying attention to the allegations. It's something they've had to deal with in time, even though nobody deserves that guilt, except maybe Hitler or the Jersey Shore cast. Miss Pruitt, whose first name I just can't ever spell so I'm gonna skip it, is suing the school that built me for more money than they have. I mean, come on, the school charges $100 a year to park in a concrete hell, and you think they can dish up $75,000 quick on the side. You're crazy. I know you moved here in tenth grade, so you don't have the same respect I do for the people who work in the district. I can read because of those people. I can make decisions because of those people. I can walk into any building in the district and be welcomed by people who know me and care about my interests. I can write because of that district, and now I am going to use that power to put you down, and it's not because you're black, it's because you're foolish.
You complain about not being able to wake up and go to school, about lack of sleep, about anxiety, about shit every single high schooler feels at some point in their life, whether it's the night before the ACT or just another day in the confusing, complicated high school lifestyle. A high school is basically a collection of different people learning to be who they are, their first steps into society. Ignorance, whether we like it or not, is going to be present in any public school in this country, because of youth. Youth guarantees ignorance in any situation, not because they choose to be ignorant but because they do not know. There are things we all hope to learn some day, but in a small town like Red Wing, it's hard to imagine the possibilities. Of course, in a small town with nothing to its culture but a giant boot, people are going to be misunderstood, and misunderstand things. It's not that fucking complicated to understand. Don't be ignorant about ignorance, it's everywhere. Nobody walked into that school dressed as a gangster in hopes of breaking down black culture, and offending it. They did it for fun, because that is what students imagine high school to be. Of course it's fun to rebel against the rules and the norms, that's what high school is about- learning from experience what you can and can't do. I think it was good for everybody, even if it stung a little bit... Even the best bee stings don't hurt for two years, so now I'm really confused Miss Pruitt...
I'm not gonna get into this too much, especially because I am so ignorant on the subject. But I must say, if you want to sue the school I grew up in, fuck you. It's not just a building with a couple of people defending it. You're gonna have to put up with everybody who agrees with me, which I would hope to be a lot, especially because so many white kids went to school with me! Come on, white kids! Take away the color of every student who graduated from Red Wing High School and what do you get? You get graduates of Red Wing High School... no color, and if that's not enough for you to respect it, and not sue it, then you can get the fuck out, because there are no black kids at Red Wing High School, they are black, purple, and white, red wing high, we're ready to fight... yeah, I know. So, even though I puke when I hear the saying "Once a Winger, Always a Winger," I must say, I puke a little more when you speak.
Racism doesn't just happen to black people. Ask the Jews! I'm not sure if any Jewish people sued the SS of Germany following World War 2, but I think they would have legitimate grounds to do so. Sixty some years later, one student of color suing a school district over alleged racism, that's crazy. Isaiah Shoels, a victim of the Columbine High School massacre, was a black student who was constantly belittled by the eventual shooters. He went to school officials to complain, yet they failed to do much about it. He was shot in the library and killed. After that, I bet the officials felt pretty horrible for not paying attention to the allegations. It's something they've had to deal with in time, even though nobody deserves that guilt, except maybe Hitler or the Jersey Shore cast. Miss Pruitt, whose first name I just can't ever spell so I'm gonna skip it, is suing the school that built me for more money than they have. I mean, come on, the school charges $100 a year to park in a concrete hell, and you think they can dish up $75,000 quick on the side. You're crazy. I know you moved here in tenth grade, so you don't have the same respect I do for the people who work in the district. I can read because of those people. I can make decisions because of those people. I can walk into any building in the district and be welcomed by people who know me and care about my interests. I can write because of that district, and now I am going to use that power to put you down, and it's not because you're black, it's because you're foolish.
You complain about not being able to wake up and go to school, about lack of sleep, about anxiety, about shit every single high schooler feels at some point in their life, whether it's the night before the ACT or just another day in the confusing, complicated high school lifestyle. A high school is basically a collection of different people learning to be who they are, their first steps into society. Ignorance, whether we like it or not, is going to be present in any public school in this country, because of youth. Youth guarantees ignorance in any situation, not because they choose to be ignorant but because they do not know. There are things we all hope to learn some day, but in a small town like Red Wing, it's hard to imagine the possibilities. Of course, in a small town with nothing to its culture but a giant boot, people are going to be misunderstood, and misunderstand things. It's not that fucking complicated to understand. Don't be ignorant about ignorance, it's everywhere. Nobody walked into that school dressed as a gangster in hopes of breaking down black culture, and offending it. They did it for fun, because that is what students imagine high school to be. Of course it's fun to rebel against the rules and the norms, that's what high school is about- learning from experience what you can and can't do. I think it was good for everybody, even if it stung a little bit... Even the best bee stings don't hurt for two years, so now I'm really confused Miss Pruitt...
I'm not gonna get into this too much, especially because I am so ignorant on the subject. But I must say, if you want to sue the school I grew up in, fuck you. It's not just a building with a couple of people defending it. You're gonna have to put up with everybody who agrees with me, which I would hope to be a lot, especially because so many white kids went to school with me! Come on, white kids! Take away the color of every student who graduated from Red Wing High School and what do you get? You get graduates of Red Wing High School... no color, and if that's not enough for you to respect it, and not sue it, then you can get the fuck out, because there are no black kids at Red Wing High School, they are black, purple, and white, red wing high, we're ready to fight... yeah, I know. So, even though I puke when I hear the saying "Once a Winger, Always a Winger," I must say, I puke a little more when you speak.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?
Hello, welcome back to my thoughts. I'm sure your life was more pleasant without them. However, I am going to take the selfish route, and I am going to get rid of my thoughts, so that my life will be more pleasant. I am going to type them here and you can take them if you'd like, or you can take them down to your local recycling center, where you have the option of shredding them to pieces small enough to get stuck to the bottom of your shoes. You can also recycle them, which simply means spreading my cynical, yet endearing thoughts to other people, in order to free yourself from the burden of carrying them, for it is like a vicious disease clinging to your backside, biting at your spinal chord with unbrushed teeth. Though it may be something you've never witnessed, it is certainly something you can imagine, and in those thoughts, I hope you can discover sympathy. This sympathy will allow you to read what I have to say and accept that I need to get it out my chaotic mind. If, in the unfortunate event it gets enclosed in your mind, you will become infected. This infection can only be cured by spreading it to someone else, which can be done by putting it in a needle and leaving it in the balls at McDonald's. If some homeless person doesn't get pricked by it, a two year old certainly will, and suddenly, the burden is off of your shoulders, and into someone else's bloodstream. If it gets to the point where you must spread the disease, consider leaving it in a McDonald's in a different town, this way it minimizes the chances that you'll know the person you infected, resulting in a complete cleanliness of your conscience.
The old blog, known by original readers as "Euthanize Me" now remains in a small collection, where I saved my favorite posts of the past. Though there will only be ten or so available, it is because I am afraid of all the people I have offended. To get to the point right in the beginning so I can have a clean conscience as well, all races are significant and provide attributes to the multi-cultural, globalized universe we live in. The world has offered us a plate of exciting diversity, and, like food that has only been on the floor for a few seconds, we should eat it. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not going to put on a tight costume and wave pom-poms in celebration of the Jews. I would say we all are at a restaurant, and we are sitting at a long table, where every race is represented. Everyone has brought something to the table, and that especially goes for the Jews. On their 10 x 10 inch tabletop space, they have provided lawyers, financial advisors, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, and a bunch of shit to talk about in schools, which includes literature, and living monuments with tattoos on their wrists. The Chinese have the same amount of space on the table, so you can imagine the struggle they are having trying to fit all of their fucking people. I bet whoever starts the condom business in China will have a financial field day. Not only do you have one billion customers, but you have one billion customers who need to stop reproducing. You'll really make money if you own a pair of scissors. Invest wisely, you never know what will get you ahead.
I forgot to mention the food they brought, for that is the most important. China has consistently exported their goods to America, which include electronics, apparel, and women for socially awkward white men to fuck. But most importantly, they've sent us their fucking food. Everywhere you go, strip malls, downtown, Chinatown especially, you'll find a place owned by a friendly Asian family. If you're lucky, it's a buffet style restaurant where you can satisfy your cravings with unlimited chicken, rice, and fortune cookies. I have in and out phases of chinese appreciation. Sometimes the idea of devouring sesame rat is appealing, and I go spend my $9.99 on the buffet. Other times, I come to my senses, and avoid the atrocity. But a lot of people like Asian restaurants, and that's fine, too. But I bet a smaller percentage like Asian people, and that right there is a considerably mysterious situation. If you like their food so god damn much, why don't you like them? Southern people love their fucking fried chicken, but they hate the black people. It is internationally known that black people invented fried chicken. I bet every rich man who has a Mexican mow his lawn for three dollars an hour likes to eat burritos and tacos. It is just continuous evidence that says white people don't care about other races, they just want your god damn food. Republicans would be all smiles if Mexicans were only running over to drop off tortillas. We wouldn't have illegal immigration problems and everyone would be happy. It's all about the food.
So, if you began reading this thinking you were beginning some measly review on the old Katherine Hepburn movie, I apologize. This is simply an execution of my mentality, spreading my herb supported ideas around the hateful, inconsiderate world. Now, back to the world's table. Everyone is a minority at this table, as well as being majorities. Like I said, every race is represented. So there is only one of each, looking around the table at each other, or squinting if you come from the eastern side of the world, but that was a joke, right? Anyway, there are other countries there, too. There are European races, all kinds of them. Just as you can't compare a southern Californian with an Idahoan, it is hard to compare Europeans. When I was walking around Munich, Germany, I could spot the French people, who were probably spotting us American people, and judging us for our childhood obesity and education rates. But, like every other American, I confidently ignore the French, and remember that my country's economy shit theirs out this morning, and wiped its ass with the Eiffel Tower. All was fun and games for Lady Liberty, until a pile of shit landed on her face, dropped by India, China, Brazil, and every other country who will eventually be shitting us out, instead of hiding from our hydrogen bombs. Our country is going in the opposite direction as black rights. Now, we have a black President, and race relations are considerably improved. 150 years ago, we had slavery. So, 100 years ago, we were the hot shot country, paving the way for the world, and in about fifty years, we are going to be sold into slavery.
Though that is completely bizarre and slightly unreasonable, it could definitely happen. It has happened before, right? Imagine China does take over economically, and suddenly has the world at her communistic feet. Suddenly, all the Chinese want someone to cook their rice and clean their bicycle wheels, and the only way to insure each one of those billion people is served by a personal employee, the Chinese government is going to have to send ships out to several countries, one of which will be the United States of America. They will see Lady Liberty, they will smile and wave, and then they will pack every last one of us, the skinny, the fat, the black, the white, the taco loving, Mexican hating, privately racist, publicly peaceful, the Conservatives, the Liberals, the school teachers, the nuns, the heroin addicts, the Jewish tattoo artists, every single American, and everyone in the surrounding countries, such as Canada and Mexico, maybe even Cuba, will be sold into Chinese slavery. Suddenly, the most unimportant thing in the world will be whether or not gays are married or if Mexicans are kidnapping our children. Because those things won't be in our world anymore. We will just be slaves to China, out in the opium fields doing strange exercises against our will.
The old blog, known by original readers as "Euthanize Me" now remains in a small collection, where I saved my favorite posts of the past. Though there will only be ten or so available, it is because I am afraid of all the people I have offended. To get to the point right in the beginning so I can have a clean conscience as well, all races are significant and provide attributes to the multi-cultural, globalized universe we live in. The world has offered us a plate of exciting diversity, and, like food that has only been on the floor for a few seconds, we should eat it. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not going to put on a tight costume and wave pom-poms in celebration of the Jews. I would say we all are at a restaurant, and we are sitting at a long table, where every race is represented. Everyone has brought something to the table, and that especially goes for the Jews. On their 10 x 10 inch tabletop space, they have provided lawyers, financial advisors, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, and a bunch of shit to talk about in schools, which includes literature, and living monuments with tattoos on their wrists. The Chinese have the same amount of space on the table, so you can imagine the struggle they are having trying to fit all of their fucking people. I bet whoever starts the condom business in China will have a financial field day. Not only do you have one billion customers, but you have one billion customers who need to stop reproducing. You'll really make money if you own a pair of scissors. Invest wisely, you never know what will get you ahead.
I forgot to mention the food they brought, for that is the most important. China has consistently exported their goods to America, which include electronics, apparel, and women for socially awkward white men to fuck. But most importantly, they've sent us their fucking food. Everywhere you go, strip malls, downtown, Chinatown especially, you'll find a place owned by a friendly Asian family. If you're lucky, it's a buffet style restaurant where you can satisfy your cravings with unlimited chicken, rice, and fortune cookies. I have in and out phases of chinese appreciation. Sometimes the idea of devouring sesame rat is appealing, and I go spend my $9.99 on the buffet. Other times, I come to my senses, and avoid the atrocity. But a lot of people like Asian restaurants, and that's fine, too. But I bet a smaller percentage like Asian people, and that right there is a considerably mysterious situation. If you like their food so god damn much, why don't you like them? Southern people love their fucking fried chicken, but they hate the black people. It is internationally known that black people invented fried chicken. I bet every rich man who has a Mexican mow his lawn for three dollars an hour likes to eat burritos and tacos. It is just continuous evidence that says white people don't care about other races, they just want your god damn food. Republicans would be all smiles if Mexicans were only running over to drop off tortillas. We wouldn't have illegal immigration problems and everyone would be happy. It's all about the food.
So, if you began reading this thinking you were beginning some measly review on the old Katherine Hepburn movie, I apologize. This is simply an execution of my mentality, spreading my herb supported ideas around the hateful, inconsiderate world. Now, back to the world's table. Everyone is a minority at this table, as well as being majorities. Like I said, every race is represented. So there is only one of each, looking around the table at each other, or squinting if you come from the eastern side of the world, but that was a joke, right? Anyway, there are other countries there, too. There are European races, all kinds of them. Just as you can't compare a southern Californian with an Idahoan, it is hard to compare Europeans. When I was walking around Munich, Germany, I could spot the French people, who were probably spotting us American people, and judging us for our childhood obesity and education rates. But, like every other American, I confidently ignore the French, and remember that my country's economy shit theirs out this morning, and wiped its ass with the Eiffel Tower. All was fun and games for Lady Liberty, until a pile of shit landed on her face, dropped by India, China, Brazil, and every other country who will eventually be shitting us out, instead of hiding from our hydrogen bombs. Our country is going in the opposite direction as black rights. Now, we have a black President, and race relations are considerably improved. 150 years ago, we had slavery. So, 100 years ago, we were the hot shot country, paving the way for the world, and in about fifty years, we are going to be sold into slavery.
Though that is completely bizarre and slightly unreasonable, it could definitely happen. It has happened before, right? Imagine China does take over economically, and suddenly has the world at her communistic feet. Suddenly, all the Chinese want someone to cook their rice and clean their bicycle wheels, and the only way to insure each one of those billion people is served by a personal employee, the Chinese government is going to have to send ships out to several countries, one of which will be the United States of America. They will see Lady Liberty, they will smile and wave, and then they will pack every last one of us, the skinny, the fat, the black, the white, the taco loving, Mexican hating, privately racist, publicly peaceful, the Conservatives, the Liberals, the school teachers, the nuns, the heroin addicts, the Jewish tattoo artists, every single American, and everyone in the surrounding countries, such as Canada and Mexico, maybe even Cuba, will be sold into Chinese slavery. Suddenly, the most unimportant thing in the world will be whether or not gays are married or if Mexicans are kidnapping our children. Because those things won't be in our world anymore. We will just be slaves to China, out in the opium fields doing strange exercises against our will.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
America the Mediator
I don't think I would ever want to be President of the United States. I'm sure if I ran, which would require a lot of prestige and success... Never mind about that presidency thing. But if I ever get picked to be Vice President, or become the ambassador to some foreign country (hopefully Egypt or Iran) I wish I could put notes in the suggestion box for how to handle these international affairs. Now before you get the wrong idea, my suggestions would not be considerably "intelligent" and/or "reasonable." I would think all these foreign enemies should get locked in a room with blunts and red cups. When you opened the door in the morning, Iran would be passed out on the floor in a pile of vomit and Egypt would probably have started a bunch of fires and made signs protesting the hangover. However, nobody in international politics seems to think this way, so instead we just put a bunch of crazy mother fuckers in a room with bombs and buildings and a bunch of civilians and CNN reporters, and we just wait until the last person is standing. It's kind of thrilling to see who will outlast all the others...
I know Egypt is in an alliance with the United States. I also know that I watched a bunch of Survivor during my lifetime, and alliances are as meaningless as Christianity. All we have to do is take that slow motion walk to where the votes are, past a bunch of intensely burning torches, look into the camera, write down EGYPT, put it in the box, sit back down, and watch Egypt's torch get burnt out. The tribe has spoken. The world has spoken. Egypt used to seem like a cool country to me, building pyramids and shit. I like their animal deities and all of their history, but all that interesting stuff is long over. Today, Egypt is just a regular country that doesn't build pyramids, therefore, I don't really care if all of their people are jumping into fire pits and into car windshields. These Egyptians are crazy. I say they have nothing to complain about. I remember all those slaves in "The Prince of Egypt," carrying heavy blocks from A to B, getting whipped and harassed. If I were one of those people, I would get angry and throw shit too, but since that was two billion years ago (false) these people need to go home and stop complaining about their shitty government.
Iran is building bombs that will never get near our country. North Korea is run by the craziest family in the world. Egypt isn't building pyramids anymore. What other countries have problems? Oh yes, the United States of America. Our perfect domestic situation here allows us to devote all of our time to international relations. That is not true at all. There are homeless people everywhere, a bunch of kids living in poverty, leftist art teachers protesting the war, people getting arrested and incarcerated for possession of a plant, people are running into our country from every side. Just last week, I saw a small boat of Koreans pull into the beach. They had crossed the ocean from their home island, and no wave saw any obligation to drown them. What has become of this world? I will tell you. The United States needs to stop mothering everybody and go into a state of living I would like to call "Denmark." All those European countries are so much better than ours... They have higher speed limits (if none at all) a lower drinking age, and concentration camps. Who could ask for a better place? My first guess would be the Jews.
All I am saying is that the United States just needs to stop pissing people off and go into a quiet state where we don't think we need to run everything. So, Egypt may be our ally, but I would say we should just let it go up in flames. The best thing that could happen is that all of the people will die. A small group of Americans can relocate to Egypt, and slowly but surely colonize and build communities. When the time is right, they will commit treason and fight the United States for their own independence. Then they will become their own country that will later make everyone mad because it has to get in the way of everything. Nobody has the option of blowing us to a million pieces because we catch them before they even consider it. America is hovering over the rest of the world calling all the shots and crying about how "The Blind Side" didn't win the Oscar for Best Picture. Former superpowers of the world have abandoned this militaristic lifestyle and gone into hibernation. It's time America hibernates, however, without the food. Most Americans look like they've been hibernating for some decades now. We would all be peaceful and comfortable with life, not constantly worrying if some twelve year old Middle Eastern ruler is going to fuck all of our wives!
I usually don't take advice and order from those who seem incompetent. For example, taking advice on the stock market from a homeless person, or like being educated in a public high school. America can start calling the shots again when she looks more like those girls in magazines. How does she get there? Bulimia. She can throw up all 13 trillion zillion dollars of debt, a couple hundred thousand pounds, half of the Senate, and slavery. Once we get all of those things off our back, we can start being an international leader again. Until then, our country needs to start focusing on what matters and fix things on the home front. We aren't going to be capable of invading Africa if we keep getting fatter, dumber, and poorer. So, please, United States of America, stop trying to help other countries and focus on what is right here. When the homeless people are all in beds and the children are getting educated, we can start getting things done again. A billion dollars for Egypt to not build pyramids? No. A billion dollars for history textbooks for children, so they can see pictures of them.
I know Egypt is in an alliance with the United States. I also know that I watched a bunch of Survivor during my lifetime, and alliances are as meaningless as Christianity. All we have to do is take that slow motion walk to where the votes are, past a bunch of intensely burning torches, look into the camera, write down EGYPT, put it in the box, sit back down, and watch Egypt's torch get burnt out. The tribe has spoken. The world has spoken. Egypt used to seem like a cool country to me, building pyramids and shit. I like their animal deities and all of their history, but all that interesting stuff is long over. Today, Egypt is just a regular country that doesn't build pyramids, therefore, I don't really care if all of their people are jumping into fire pits and into car windshields. These Egyptians are crazy. I say they have nothing to complain about. I remember all those slaves in "The Prince of Egypt," carrying heavy blocks from A to B, getting whipped and harassed. If I were one of those people, I would get angry and throw shit too, but since that was two billion years ago (false) these people need to go home and stop complaining about their shitty government.
Iran is building bombs that will never get near our country. North Korea is run by the craziest family in the world. Egypt isn't building pyramids anymore. What other countries have problems? Oh yes, the United States of America. Our perfect domestic situation here allows us to devote all of our time to international relations. That is not true at all. There are homeless people everywhere, a bunch of kids living in poverty, leftist art teachers protesting the war, people getting arrested and incarcerated for possession of a plant, people are running into our country from every side. Just last week, I saw a small boat of Koreans pull into the beach. They had crossed the ocean from their home island, and no wave saw any obligation to drown them. What has become of this world? I will tell you. The United States needs to stop mothering everybody and go into a state of living I would like to call "Denmark." All those European countries are so much better than ours... They have higher speed limits (if none at all) a lower drinking age, and concentration camps. Who could ask for a better place? My first guess would be the Jews.
All I am saying is that the United States just needs to stop pissing people off and go into a quiet state where we don't think we need to run everything. So, Egypt may be our ally, but I would say we should just let it go up in flames. The best thing that could happen is that all of the people will die. A small group of Americans can relocate to Egypt, and slowly but surely colonize and build communities. When the time is right, they will commit treason and fight the United States for their own independence. Then they will become their own country that will later make everyone mad because it has to get in the way of everything. Nobody has the option of blowing us to a million pieces because we catch them before they even consider it. America is hovering over the rest of the world calling all the shots and crying about how "The Blind Side" didn't win the Oscar for Best Picture. Former superpowers of the world have abandoned this militaristic lifestyle and gone into hibernation. It's time America hibernates, however, without the food. Most Americans look like they've been hibernating for some decades now. We would all be peaceful and comfortable with life, not constantly worrying if some twelve year old Middle Eastern ruler is going to fuck all of our wives!
I usually don't take advice and order from those who seem incompetent. For example, taking advice on the stock market from a homeless person, or like being educated in a public high school. America can start calling the shots again when she looks more like those girls in magazines. How does she get there? Bulimia. She can throw up all 13 trillion zillion dollars of debt, a couple hundred thousand pounds, half of the Senate, and slavery. Once we get all of those things off our back, we can start being an international leader again. Until then, our country needs to start focusing on what matters and fix things on the home front. We aren't going to be capable of invading Africa if we keep getting fatter, dumber, and poorer. So, please, United States of America, stop trying to help other countries and focus on what is right here. When the homeless people are all in beds and the children are getting educated, we can start getting things done again. A billion dollars for Egypt to not build pyramids? No. A billion dollars for history textbooks for children, so they can see pictures of them.
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