Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

Hello, welcome back to my thoughts. I'm sure your life was more pleasant without them. However, I am going to take the selfish route, and I am going to get rid of my thoughts, so that my life will be more pleasant. I am going to type them here and you can take them if you'd like, or you can take them down to your local recycling center, where you have the option of shredding them to pieces small enough to get stuck to the bottom of your shoes. You can also recycle them, which simply means spreading my cynical, yet endearing thoughts to other people, in order to free yourself from the burden of carrying them, for it is like a vicious disease clinging to your backside, biting at your spinal chord with unbrushed teeth. Though it may be something you've never witnessed, it is certainly something you can imagine, and in those thoughts, I hope you can discover sympathy. This sympathy will allow you to read what I have to say and accept that I need to get it out my chaotic mind. If, in the unfortunate event it gets enclosed in your mind, you will become infected. This infection can only be cured by spreading it to someone else, which can be done by putting it in a needle and leaving it in the balls at McDonald's. If some homeless person doesn't get pricked by it, a two year old certainly will, and suddenly, the burden is off of your shoulders, and into someone else's bloodstream. If it gets to the point where you must spread the disease, consider leaving it in a McDonald's in a different town, this way it minimizes the chances that you'll know the person you infected, resulting in a complete cleanliness of your conscience.

The old blog, known by original readers as "Euthanize Me" now remains in a small collection, where I saved my favorite posts of the past. Though there will only be ten or so available, it is because I am afraid of all the people I have offended. To get to the point right in the beginning so I can have a clean conscience as well, all races are significant and provide attributes to the multi-cultural, globalized universe we live in. The world has offered us a plate of exciting diversity, and, like food that has only been on the floor for a few seconds, we should eat it. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not going to put on a tight costume and wave pom-poms in celebration of the Jews. I would say we all are at a restaurant, and we are sitting at a long table, where every race is represented. Everyone has brought something to the table, and that especially goes for the Jews. On their 10 x 10 inch tabletop space, they have provided lawyers, financial advisors, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, and a bunch of shit to talk about in schools, which includes literature, and living monuments with tattoos on their wrists. The Chinese have the same amount of space on the table, so you can imagine the struggle they are having trying to fit all of their fucking people. I bet whoever starts the condom business in China will have a financial field day. Not only do you have one billion customers, but you have one billion customers who need to stop reproducing. You'll really make money if you own a pair of scissors. Invest wisely, you never know what will get you ahead.

I forgot to mention the food they brought, for that is the most important. China has consistently exported their goods to America, which include electronics, apparel, and women for socially awkward white men to fuck. But most importantly, they've sent us their fucking food. Everywhere you go, strip malls, downtown, Chinatown especially, you'll find a place owned by a friendly Asian family. If you're lucky, it's a buffet style restaurant where you can satisfy your cravings with unlimited chicken, rice, and fortune cookies. I have in and out phases of chinese appreciation. Sometimes the idea of devouring sesame rat is appealing, and I go spend my $9.99 on the buffet. Other times, I come to my senses, and avoid the atrocity. But a lot of people like Asian restaurants, and that's fine, too. But I bet a smaller percentage like Asian people, and that right there is a considerably mysterious situation. If you like their food so god damn much, why don't you like them? Southern people love their fucking fried chicken, but they hate the black people. It is internationally known that black people invented fried chicken. I bet every rich man who has a Mexican mow his lawn for three dollars an hour likes to eat burritos and tacos. It is just continuous evidence that says white people don't care about other races, they just want your god damn food. Republicans would be all smiles if Mexicans were only running over to drop off tortillas. We wouldn't have illegal immigration problems and everyone would be happy. It's all about the food.

So, if you began reading this thinking you were beginning some measly review on the old Katherine Hepburn movie, I apologize. This is simply an execution of my mentality, spreading my herb supported ideas around the hateful, inconsiderate world. Now, back to the world's table. Everyone is a minority at this table, as well as being majorities. Like I said, every race is represented. So there is only one of each, looking around the table at each other, or squinting if you come from the eastern side of the world, but that was a joke, right? Anyway, there are other countries there, too. There are European races, all kinds of them. Just as you can't compare a southern Californian with an Idahoan, it is hard to compare Europeans. When I was walking around Munich, Germany, I could spot the French people, who were probably spotting us American people, and judging us for our childhood obesity and education rates. But, like every other American, I confidently ignore the French, and remember that my country's economy shit theirs out this morning, and wiped its ass with the Eiffel Tower. All was fun and games for Lady Liberty, until a pile of shit landed on her face, dropped by India, China, Brazil, and every other country who will eventually be shitting us out, instead of hiding from our hydrogen bombs. Our country is going in the opposite direction as black rights. Now, we have a black President, and race relations are considerably improved. 150 years ago, we had slavery. So, 100 years ago, we were the hot shot country, paving the way for the world, and in about fifty years, we are going to be sold into slavery.

Though that is completely bizarre and slightly unreasonable, it could definitely happen. It has happened before, right? Imagine China does take over economically, and suddenly has the world at her communistic feet. Suddenly, all the Chinese want someone to cook their rice and clean their bicycle wheels, and the only way to insure each one of those billion people is served by a personal employee, the Chinese government is going to have to send ships out to several countries, one of which will be the United States of America. They will see Lady Liberty, they will smile and wave, and then they will pack every last one of us, the skinny, the fat, the black, the white, the taco loving, Mexican hating, privately racist, publicly peaceful, the Conservatives, the Liberals, the school teachers, the nuns, the heroin addicts, the Jewish tattoo artists, every single American, and everyone in the surrounding countries, such as Canada and Mexico, maybe even Cuba, will be sold into Chinese slavery. Suddenly, the most unimportant thing in the world will be whether or not gays are married or if Mexicans are kidnapping our children. Because those things won't be in our world anymore. We will just be slaves to China, out in the opium fields doing strange exercises against our will.